I spend too much energy wondering how “normal” I am. And I’ve been on a many years long quest to find where I land on the spectrum of normal. I’m awkward and somehow both extroverted and introverted… depending on the day, and my currently level of anxiety. I can worry incessantly about the least likely scenarios imaginable. All while ignoring things that needed to be done yesterday. I can stick my foot in mouth without even opening it sometimes. And I confuse myself daily.

And I can just hear my Mom telling me “Honey, you are normal. You are not the same”. Now, for context, “the same” is code word for “insane”. It was Mom’s way of saying “they crazy” but making it sound nice, like any good southern belle can do. “Oh, that’s Suzie, she’s the same“. That only sounds rude in context.

Now, I know there are people out there that are only a fraction of my awkwardness. There are people that can work a room and talk to people, and their entire body doesn’t turn beet red. They don’t break out into hives. They manage to keep their feet on the floor and out of their mouths. They don’t worry about all the things. (Seriously, I need to know how to do that!)

So, I’m trying to decide. Am I the same or am I “the same”. I just can’t shake the feeling that there’s a big plan hiding under all of this awkwardness. I’m pretty confident that my God given gift isn’t breaking out into hives, however, I have faith that there’s a true gift in there. And one day, He’s going to show it to me, and this world better watch out. Meanwhile, I’m going to remain “the same”.